Parallel Universe

Slackerninja!

2009-04-27T01:05:00.002+05:30

i've moved to slackerninjadotcom.

Cya there.

A Fair Bit O' Introspection

2009-03-31T00:44:00.000+05:30

Things have changed. so fast and so drastic that i can't tell if its a good thing or not. Either way life goes on. Constantly shifting, changing, morphing into one new paradigm or another. Nothing stays still. And while this wild journey takes me by the "made in China" label of my t-shirt across its various avatars at hypersonic speeds there's one thing its not prepared for.

The sheer, utmost willingness to keep moving.

Consequences be damned. Bring it on.

Now Listening To: Najwajean - Drive Me

Death By Tofu

2009-03-17T02:22:00.003+05:30

The most amusing thing i've read in ages:

"Tofu no kado ni atama wo butsukete shinjimae!"

(Go hit your head on the corner of a block of tofu and die!)

From:

Yokai Attack! The Japanese Monster Survival Guide

Now Listening To: Boston - Feels Like The First Time (yes music that's so cheesy that it makes the plot of an Arnold Schwarzenegger flick seem deep and meaningful)

Overheard at Hard Rock Cafe

2009-03-15T02:45:00.000+05:30

"Can you believe it? I have 100% charisma, luck and skills. BUT I STILL CAN'T GET LAID!"

Ever thought of seeing a therapist?

Now Listening To: Hideyuki Fukasawa - Theme of Street Fighter IV

EPIC AWESOME MEGA COLLECTOR'S ULTIMATE LIMITED CHOCOLATE RAIN UPDATE EDITION!

2009-03-11T03:22:00.002+05:30

February's been epic. So epic in fact that it warranted the use of all those words in the title. So epic that it needed to be done in caps. So epic that i'm typing this post on a Tuesday night (more than a week after i should have)when i should be out what with it being a holiday on Wednesday and yes, so epic that it makes me feel that i have some semblance of a life. But i digress....

1. Weddings are funny.Even more so when its between a woman and a coffee pot. But they can be stiflingly formal as well. So much so that you're left with not much of an option but to leave as soon as physically possible and ruminate about how other affairs are more relaxed-to-the-point-of-sedated.

2. Luck By Chance was made out of old rejected reels of Nescafe commercials, overtly bright and cheery. Redeemed only by an ending that said anything but "...and they lived happily ever after".

3. Unexpected visits from forum trolls are awesome. Especially when it involves chugging down copious amounts of beer and the aforementioned troll pissing off a DJ so much so that he ends up playing a crassy Britney Spears tune.

4. Expected visits from certain old school friends are even more awesome because they include taking his case in FIFA 08 (FC Hamburger 3 - Barcelona 0) but are in equal amounts, sad because the aforementioned friend was as free as a suspected terrorist held at Guantanamo Bay.

5. Valentine's Day.

6. The Superman Diaries which ended with this interesting bit:

Friend: Dude, something happened.
Rishi: Awesome! You scored?!
Friend: No man, something funny!
Rishi: Tell me bro! Tell me!
Friend: Later man. When we meet.
Rishi: Aight, luckily i know a certain person who you wouldn't like reading my blog...
Friend: Fuck off.
Rishi: Seriously. Tell me or else....
Friend: No man. There are people around.
Rishi: Okay. Time to log in to Orkut. Hmmm...what's that name of a friend i wanted to add...Oh yeah..
Friend: Fine. i'll tell you. i'll tell you. So she and i were joking around. i told her,"If you want to fly use Visa Power. Go get it."and then she said, "No i can hold on to you."
Rishi: Dude...
Friend: What?
Rishi: That was it? Lame. Anyway you're boned. She'll know of a few incriminating blog posts soon. i suggest running. Fast.
Friend: Bastard.

7. Bowling+ Old School Video Game Arcade+Cold Hazelnut Chocolate = Fun and Janak Shah making classic statements like, "I have been felt!"(yes said with an interjection) when stating his general opinion in a conversation that unfortunately doesn't chronicle the crowded, messed up trains.

8. When an insistent friend suggests having more beer, you should kick him in the face and steal his money because the actual outcome is quite bad and almost retarded. So much so that his mom calls to complain about his drunkeness. After three mugs of beer. Only.

9. Finally, birthday parties are brilliant when they involve copious amounts of beer, long island ice teas, kamikaze shots and good friends. Add a couple of cameras, a beach and 2 semi-sober people and you have a recipe for disaster. Oh and a plastic bag for puking too.

Now Listening To: Blink 182 - The Party Song (purley coincidential)

You know its a long day when...

2009-03-04T22:53:00.001+05:30

Your train ride to work is filled with above- the- maximum- volume- of- your- iPod sounds of a couple arguing about things like "stress", "cysts", "doctors", "bills" , "relationships" and "death".

Now Listening To: Saliva - Broken Sunday

The Superman Diaries, Part II

2009-03-02T01:39:00.002+05:30

For those of you unaware of this epic trilogy in two parts (at the moment), go here.

Friend: So yeah, Abhay's coming over.

Rishi: Nice. Jam session?

Friend: Yes, you know, after she's started calling me Superman, i've wanted to so record a jam session with that Superman* song. The one that goes "If I go crazy now will you call me Superman....

Rishi: ...if I'm alive and well won't you be there holding my hand? I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might, my kryptonite. Yeahhhh!",oh that song? You're sure she's your co-worker right?

Friend: Yes.

Rishi: Cool. While you're at it, you can ask her if she likes your undies on the inside or not.

Friend: Bastard.

Five minutes into the conversation

Friend: You know when she started to call me Superman, i wanted to ask her just one thing.

Rishi: What?

Friend: I wanted to ask her, "If I'm Superman, would you like me to use x-ray vision on you?"

Rishi: Bastard.

*For those of you who have been in cryogenic stasis and just woke up, this is the song in question. Epicness at its best. Oh and the video is pretty bad ass too:

Yeah, yeah, oh yeah...

2009-03-01T00:33:00.003+05:30

Rishi: Speaking of Jane's Addiction, check out their track, Superhero. Awesome stuff.

Friend: Don't remind me of Superhero. My co-worker, she calls me Superman.

Rishi: Um...so, she wants to see you wear your underwear on the outside?

Friend: The following dialogue was too vulgar to represent on this blog.

Now Listening To: The Killers - This is the World That We Live In

Song of Forever

2009-02-28T04:09:00.001+05:30

Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in

Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in

Tied to a wheel, our fingers got to feel
Bleeding through a tourniquet smile
Spinning on a whim, a slide to the right
I felt you like electric light
For our love
For our fear
For our rise against the years and years and years

Got a machinehead, better than the rest
Green to red, machinehead
Got a machinehead, better than the rest
Green to red,
I walk from my machine
I walk from my machine

Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in

Deaf dumb and thirty
Starting to deserve this
Leaning on my conscience wall
Blood is like wine
Unconscious all the time
If I had it all again
I'd change it all

Got a machinehead, better than the rest
Green to red, machinehead
Got a machinehead, s'better than the rest
Green to red,... yea
I walk from my machine
I walk from my machine

Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in, breathe in, breathe in

Got a machinehead, better than the rest
Green to red, machinehead
Got a machinehead, s'better than the rest
Green to red, machinehead... yea
Yea yea yea. Better than the Rest.
... head-head-head-head-head.
Better than the Rest.
... head-head-head-head-head.
Better than the Rest.
... head-head-head-head-head...

I walk from my machine
I walk from my machine

Now Listening To: Bush - Machinehead.

With Friends Like These.

2009-02-23T01:55:00.004+05:30

Along Nariman Point, Saturday Evening:

Friend: Rishi, did you watch Slumdog Millionaire?

Rishi: No i read the book. We already had this conversation.

Friend: You're an asshole. Tomorrow i'll ask you "Rishi did you have sex", and you'll say ,"No i read the kama sutra."

Rishi: ....

Now Listening To: Sonata Arctica - My Selene

True Love Is.

2009-02-14T23:19:00.000+05:30

True love is solitude with two boxes of extra large pizza, walnut brownies and green tea.

Now Listening To: Imogen Heap - Headlock (High Contrast Remix)

Mad Month

2009-02-01T02:16:00.002+05:30

January was hilarious for a multitude of reasons.

It's a month where a lot of companies do some cleaning. And like all superlative cleaners, they wash out their dirty laundry and throw out unwanted clutter (read: ineffective workforce) leading to having a social life that was so dead it would make a morgue seem like a playschool filled with overcaffienated toddlers.

But i did have my fair share of fun, be it at my expense or that of others such as:

1. Attending a friend's bachelor party where the wildest thing done was playing Rock Band (nailed Beastie Boys' Sabotage on my first attempt singing it). It would've been an arrestable offence in some countries so it counts as something wild done at a bachelor party. Which also goes to show that our social structure invented the word pathetic.

2. Spending an entire meeting where the agenda solely involved browsing through a website filled with bikini babes.

3. "They called you for a reason, some people don't want cheese in their sub because they get everything else with it , but people like me, well, I pay Rs. 10 extra for the cheese, you're like the cheese, you're the sub of the day so you should go with them boss" - a wise friend giving me his logic for accepting a friend's invitation to a movie with her better half.

4. " The best reason not to be in a relationship is having to shop for sanitary pads. For her dog." - the aforementioned pal spouting pearls of wisdom in favor of singledom.

5. Bumping into the previously mentioned random chick at an acquaintance's party. Mistook her for a really nice looking gal for a nano-second before i moved in closer and realized that it was too late. Before i could eject from any conversation i was drowning in a cesspool of dialogue that invovled whiney exes and apparent lack of talent recognition by college professors. Quite weird things to be talking about considering i'm seeing this person after around 2 years.

Things got even hairier because all throughout i was peppered with text messages of encouragement by my brethren to "go for it" and "la-la-la-la". Sure. It's like asking Hannibal to turn vegetarian or Amy Winehouse to turn sober. Note to self: dark, dingy bars are not the best places to approach members of the opposite sex.

And finally:

6. "Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I am an idiot, that is so true,
Defects get closed,
They also rejected,
But my behaviour towards you was highly regretted,
Gonna say good night because i have no choice
Wishing you a dream as sweet as your voice"

"Dude, you grew a vagina overnight."

Conversation with the same friend mentioned in no. 3 and 4 who can also be termed as an attention whore, sending that piece of sophisitcated haiku off to a colleague at work who he had some sort of a tiff with. Now she thinks he's a stalker.

That more or less sums up my colossally hectic month. Or at least parts worth mentioning. i think.

Now Listening To: Muse - Knights of Cydonia

Quote of Forever

2009-01-27T01:28:00.000+05:30

"I'm gonna punch you so hard you're gonna get your period"- My sister to me.

Now Listening To: Black Sabbath - Zero The Hero

This Month In FaceBook Status Messages

2009-01-20T01:09:00.000+05:30

...or something like it. More or less sums up the high and lowlights of my week. Or lack thereof.

Transport Strike!

2009-01-09T22:40:00.001+05:30

Imagine being on a bus so crowded that you're hanging from the entrance by the tips of your fingers, all while making sure your Xbox 360 doesn't fall off as you battle against the laws of physics that pits you against seemingly infinite obese people battling for the same spot.

Yeah neither can i. i just experienced it. And lived to tell the tale.

This is what happens when oil companies and truckers go to bed togther, a hanging h3lios from an air conditioned bus.

At least getting back wasn't that bad, never is when you're just walking. Though the blisters on my feet might say otherwise.

Now Listening To: TV on the Radio - Golden Age

Week of Weird...

2009-01-08T00:19:00.001+05:30

... so far at least. Been to work early for more than one day (two! That's 100% over my previous best! Shattering!), created a sort of monster by divulging too much information about a certain website (which i assure you is non-pornographic in nature) and realizing that my patience along with my waistline, is wearing thin. Well at least, towards some segments of the society (read: all) and workforce. There's a limit to the amount of dumbness (albeit comical) that one can take. For instance:

"Hello XYZ, I hear you're a big fanboy of ABC game."

"Your voice sounds so different on a landline (as compared to a cellphone)."

"STU title didn't work on the PS3 because I sent the X360 version" (as you can see, certain people can't make out the glaring differences or bother to check)

It's times like these i'm glad i bring my iPod to work. All hail Foo Fighters, Rage Against The Machine (the irony is rife) and Air among others for keeping me sane. Until i get a text from a perceived best (pest?) friend who leads me to believe that the person in question's world is coming to a grinding catastrophic halt when it is really quite to the contrary. And if that wasn't enough, this specific case refuses to entertain let alone hear a voice of reason. Apparent or otherwise.

Oh well at least i have my work most of which seems reminiscent to a neglected, malnourished refugee-camp acquainted, war stricken child borderline committing suicide. Hopefully that giant "Fuck the world because i'm busy saving my career" force field i ordered arrives tomorrow because heaven, hell and the purgatory knows i need it.

Now Listening To: A Perfect Circle - Peace Love and Understanding

Just one of those days?

2009-01-07T02:07:00.003+05:30

Ever felt that you wanted to shred yourself to pieces and begin anew? Ever felt that you were wasting your time with the people you were with? Ever felt you could be doing something so much more significant with your life?

If all those epiphanies hit you in the space of around half an hour, ever felt that it wasn't just one of those days but THE day?

Now Listening To: Dream Theater - Constant Motion

Slow.

2009-01-04T06:23:00.000+05:30

It's been a slow week and an even slower weekend.

Slow enough for me to catch up on a whole bunch of movies (Burn After Reading, Be Kind Rewind and Charlie Bartlett for the uber curious) and rewind some of the moments that were.

What's so special this time around? Never before has it been so brutally clear what made this year what it was. Either i'm getting older or have miraculously been blessed with almost sorcerer-like clarity...

Random thoughts of the Day: Kat Dennings is hot, Crysis runs like butter on my PC (cheap video cards are sweet) and some people don't understand the awesomeness that is the Prince of Persia (the new video game, not the obviously doomed movie starring Jake "The Other Gay Cowboy and Jarhead"Gyllenhaal) and i like linking to Wikipedia.

Having said that, it's almost 6:30 AM on a Sunday morning. Time for some shut-eye. Good morning and good luck.

Now Listening To: A Perfect Circle - Imagine

Do The Math

2009-01-01T13:11:00.002+05:30

New Year's was pretty sweet. Considering that we had several plans made and a zillion more canceled for a plethora of reasons ranging from recession to male PMS, we (read: us single folk) ended up having a quiet party at a kind acquaintance's place.

Needless to say, the booze was flowing as mellifluously as the tales of near dalliances, lost chances and possible hook ups all seasoned with liberal doses of humor we're known for.

And on the way home it got me thinking (yes, for someone with as limited a repertoire as me, do manage to do that) amidst a post-hangover haze that we live in a world of glorified probability. At the risk of sounding grammatically incorrect, overglorified probability if you will.

Everything we talk about, everything we watch, read or hear has this tremendous foreboding sense of probability.

For example: two people start seeing each other...how did it happen? Well they met at a party. How did he/she approach her/him? So people start wondering in their little heads that (excuse the pathetic hindi, filmi dialogue) "Kaash mere sath yehi hota" and then they try recreating that "chance" which (again due to probability) almost always fails.

How did i get this realization? Well i saw this really cute gal at the station on my way home and i started wondering, how the heck do people actually start talking to other people out of effin' thin air and then i realized that we think it can happen due to what we we're exposed to. When in actuality, no one would have the balls to do so.

If you think about it, our systems are flawed when we say we live on "hope and a prayer" when its actually "probability, permutation and combination".

Anyway, the next time around, i'm just going to do more rather than just do the math of it all. And no, it's not my New Year's Resolution, that is 1440x900. Yes i ended with a pleurile, lame attempt at geek humor, completely undoing all the apparent deep thought i intended in portraying on this blog post forever crushing any probability of being ever thought of anything more than a shallow, materialistic so and so who's got an unjustifiably godzilla-esque ego that would put the Church of Scientology, Tom Cruise and half of Hollywood to shame.

Oh and Happy New Year people. Now what were the odds of ending this post like that?

Now Listening To: Sigur Ross - All Alright

After Party Thoughts

2008-12-25T16:38:00.001+05:30

It's funny that it takes a barrage of whiskey and coke (coupled with the odd jaigermeister and kahlua) for you to realize that no matter how hard you try, no matter how far you go, despite the zillion and one precautions and preparations , some old, dithering, senile fart is always, always, always going to beat you to the finish line.

In this case, the finish line being the toilet.

Damn old folks, where do they get all that ninja-esque speed?

Oh and Merry Commercialized Christmas people!

Now Listening To: The Killers - Losing Touch

Comic of Pure Win!

2008-12-24T00:52:00.003+05:30

i can't wait for Street Fighter IV to come out. That aside, good times ahead, got a killer party scene to look forward to. Lots of old college friends to meet, and those i rather not too.

Now Listening To: Plastilina Moss - Let U Know

Conversation of the Weekend

2008-12-21T23:32:00.000+05:30

Lyrical Gangsta: So how's the new SRK movie?
h3lios: Meh. i hear it's good.
Lyrical Gangsta: Nice! When are you going for it?
h3lios: The moment you buy a Michael Jackson inflatable doll.
Lyrical Gangsta: ...

Somethings never change.

Now Listening To: Reverend and the Makers - Open Your Window (FIFA 09 OST)

i lol'd

2008-12-19T01:38:00.001+05:30

If only we all got that choice. Oh well, the weekend awaits and i've just one day of work to survive. Thank heavens for casual Friday. And even more thanks for staying at home on a Thursday. Oily Chinese dinner, even slicker company and a bad back to thank for the unexpected day-off rather.

Now Listening To: A Perfect Circle - Orestes

The Top 16

2008-12-18T03:11:00.001+05:30

It's been 16 days since my last post, here's what's been playing around in my head. 16 to be precise. What a coincidence:

1. number9dream is one of the best books i've ever read. David Mitchell takes the whole "stream of conscience" routine and turns it around on its head. Sorry Hemingway, you've been bested.

2. Preppy kids donning t-shirts in support of the city post-26/11 protesting because they think it's the "kewl" thing to do. Oh well, at least someone's going to get laid. Or get some phone numbers.

3. Prince of Persia is awesome. Some of the most inspired and well thought out design and art-style i've seen since, well, the Shadow of the Colossus. Definitely one of the better games of this generation. Kudos to you, Ubisoft Montreal.

4. For a 10 year old album, Foo Fighter's The Color and The Shape still sounds extremely good. Maybe it's something about that era, that's so timeless. Like bad haircuts perhaps?

5. Speaking of haircuts, i finally got one. Damn stylist left it uneven on the sides, makes a good case for me saying i cut it myself. Yes i am self-obsessed.

6. Work is great. The people are swell. But if some random dude is going to ask a status update on tasks that he's gone out of his way to cockblock, well, fuck off.

7. The Dark Knight Blu Ray is godlike. i think i'll finally start thinking about building up a decent movie collection if this is the quality i'm paying for. So so worth it.

8. An0 is back in town. For all the bitchery, fights, mudslinging, lowballing and rubbish we've heaped on each other, i miss the gal and glad she's back (no sarcasm on this one, pinkie and PS3 swear).

9. Exes are hell. Especially when they text you at god forsaken hours of the night expecting you to be the bloody bedrock of their existence all while they bitchslap you into oblivion.

10. For all his presidential antics, Bush ducks shoes like Neo on caffienne. Gotta hand it to him even if he did have it coming.

11. The flash game on the aforementioned antic is pretty sweet.

12. To all my friends: no i am not seeing anyone, so just drop it please? When and if that happens, rest assured you shall all know.

13. Ice cold Redbull is the breakfast of champions. Believe.

14. Subjecting a friend to the harassment of having his mug shot photoshopped by a cabal of talented, like-minded souls leads to epic results like this:

15. Lemon Vodka and Seven Up doesn't get you drunk. Unless the cup you're having it in is large enough to give a full-sized adult elephant an inferiority complex.

16. There is no 16.

Now Listening To: Sparta - Taking Back Control

Job Appraisal

2008-12-02T20:44:00.000+05:30

It's ironic how one moment you're wondering whether you'd actually be breathing your next breath and the next you find yourself on your way to work without a care in the world. Life is strange.

Even stranger however was that our job appraisals were scheduled for the same day i got back to work post-26/11. Fun times really, especially when you're given the appraisal sheet a good 20 minutes before the process even begins. All a part of my boss' idea to give him "feedback", which is pretty hilarious considering that i'm probably the last person who can give an honest estimate of himself (this blog bears testament to that). Akin to asking Chuck Norris if he could strangle you with a wireless telephone. Leading to a bit of conversation that went something like:

Boss: Do you think you're fit for your job?
h3lios: Isn't that why you're here?

Anyway, apparently i'm a "team player" and i take "initiative". i'll leave you with that as i'm busy laughing about it till next week.

Now Listening To: Air - Lucky and Unhappy

On the bright side...

2008-11-30T23:21:00.002+05:30

We're all given this illusion, this false bravado, a bastard hope if you will, that one person can make a difference. Whether it's in school, college, movies (a lot of them), comics, video games, anywhere if you think about it, is this next to impossible thought shoved down our throats as if it were holy manna.

But then we're all weighed by the troubles of the world, work, pets, parents and whatever it is that's stuck between our grand mom's aunt's cat's teeth. We become jaded and we don't give a rat's ass. From brimming with optimism we've turned sour with the world like curd left out for too long. Until the 26th of November, 2008.

Thanks to the steaming pile of douchebaggery we call "government" and 12 or 20 or 4(depending which news channel, sorry, propoganda of your preference) sons of Satan, also known as terrorists, we now bask in the knowledge that yes, we can make a difference to the entire nation, nay the entire world!

Provided we're equipped with an MP5 Navy each, a bagful of grenades and absolutely no conscience.

Now Listening To: Air - Surfin' On A Rocket

WTF!

2008-11-27T21:50:00.001+05:30

Oh look! New template!

Great, now that i got that out of the way, i'm posting this under the most dire of circumstances. i will be evacuated out of my flat in Colaba, which is just behind the Taj Mahal Hotel, which is, if you've been following the news, under siege.

So this might be my last post in awhile. Not much to say considering that i've been busy battling demons at work, home and yes, on my consoles. It's a pity that i only have control of one out of three. The first two have forces beyond my contol that keep telling me to "go with the flow" and "do as they say", at least i have power over my virtual dalliances if anything else.

Anyway, once this is all over, i'll be back and regular. h3lios out.

Now Listening To: Air - Alpha Beta Gaga

Thought of the Day

2008-11-14T00:30:00.000+05:30

i have a business card therefore i am.

Now Listening To: Protoculture - Circadians

Sheer Awesomeness Part II

2008-11-11T01:55:00.001+05:30

11:14 PM me: ZOMFG WTF LULZ
FAYBLE IS TEH WINZORZ

11:18 PM Murali: haha how far are you in the game?

11:19 PM me: just asswh00ped the tree troll, on my way to the crucible

11:20 PM Murali: ahhh i just finished that last night.
make sure you finish all the side quests you want to do right after the crucible mission.
me: i had a threesome, forced Alex to commit suicide and have been offing people for the Assassin's Society

11:21 PM Murali: you're kidding. lol. you got her to off herself???? HOW?!
me: well if you don't accept her marriage proposal and give her the note, she kills herself
don't tell me you actually married her
lol
bros before ....:p

11:22 PM and to make matters more awesome, she becomes a ghost, thinks she can get back with her man and you show up right about then and she realizes she was set up!
Murali: i did :/
me: :D
HAHAHAHAHAHAA

11:23 PM Murali: marry her and everyone is happy. even the ghost :D
see? now you MUST believe i dont drink lol :p
me: fail
Murali: I even got the achievement for leaning to the good side from the start :/

11:24 PM me: fucking pussy
Murali: you'll get it if you're consistent with your choices. you should get it if you havent been half assing things and trying to be both :p

11:25 PM me: i'll get it in awhile
i am working up my evilness
i've proposed to people only to off 'em at the very last minute

11:26 PM my fave killing spots are lakes
Murali: holy crap....
me: :D
i've kicked kids, slapped women...yeah
Murali: i even took the trouble to move alex all the way to oakfield so the wives dont meet and bang heads :\
me: to quote an ad
This is Living.

11:27 PM Murali: but how can you sleep at night.... :|
me: i don't sleep
11:28 PM i seduce barmaids

Murali: point taken.. :|

And you are?

2008-11-11T01:29:00.005+05:30

Who's this Obama guy everyone's talking about?

Now On Loop

2008-11-09T02:21:00.001+05:30

30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break...?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I'm not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me

Sheer Awesomeness...

2008-10-29T08:18:00.002+05:30

Got this last Saturday and i've been hooked. i've got a girl to off herself, had a threesome, killed folks for talking too much and battled tree trolls. Did i forget wooing women, getting married to them and finally sacrificing their souls to the Temple of Shadows?

This. Is. Living.

Meh Part 2: Sunday Weekend Edition

2008-10-19T23:24:00.001+05:30

She needed a phone she said. After severely hammering the keypad of her K530i to the point where if it could have a voice, it would shout "RAPE!". And in all her idiocy she turned to me.

The E71 was out of her budget, the Blackberry Pearl not to her liking and the HTC Touch was a brick. i had spoilt her by uttering the unthinkable, wi-fi.

Nevertheless after a bit of bitching, a bit of consternation and a bit of consideration it was finally settled, she would get a Razr 2 V8. With 2GB nothing less.

But the chronicling of this exercize on this blog wasn't the purpose of this post. For throughout our buying session at the store was a horde of what seemingly resembled females.

They entered the store, breaking through the doors, toting their size godzilla bags on size zero frames, branded tees, streaked hair and cackling voices in tow. And in the cacophony they revelled, persuing one nubile phone after the next leaving utter irritation in their wake.

"GET THIS ONE!"

"No! No! My ex got the SAME one!"

"Wait ya! This matches my lipstick!"

"Hold on, this is nice! Look! It's soooo shiny!"

And in all the noise, the head crow cawed with sagacity and wit unheard of for one of her tribe.

"Look at the Nokia website ya! Find out the features of the phone and decide if you want it!"

Apparently they lack faith in salesmen or their own instincts at reading box covers. Either way if they're representative of our generation, we are, for the lack of a better word, screwed.

Having said that, we're probably screwed anyway what with the following comment heard and cherished:

Person 1: You know how it is, you aim for the stars hoping to...

Person 2: ...grab some ass.

Now Listening To: Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You

Meh

2008-10-19T04:58:00.000+05:30

What's the last thing you'd expect yourself to be doing at 3 in the morning?

Searching for some dsylexic relative's cellphone in a dank, dingy theatre hall. Where the black carpet matches the color of the phone and the intelligence level matches that of specially gifted cockroaches.

Oh well, at least i got out of the house today. Big achievement considering i'm in the process of turning into a hermit.This is eventually going to be the case as i feel the need to isolate myself from my friends for awhile. i need some space, some solitude from the hive. Or something like it.

Now Listening To : Finley Quaye (feat. Beth Orton) - Dice

GamingIndians Mumbai Meet 4.0

2008-09-28T22:29:00.001+05:30

The first thing that hits you about GamingIndians Mumbai Meet 4 (GIMM4) is lack of detail and realism. While most next-gen titles have ultra-accurate renditions of everything ranging from wrinkles to turd, GIMM4 employs a more whimsical style due to the nature of its graphics engine. Unlike other games that use the Unreal Engine, the developers at GI have employed their own custom engine nicknamed “Booze and Pizza”, and if your system can handle it, there’s a secret mode unlocked called “Booze, Pizza, Cheech & Chong, Transformers HD”.

On stepping into the in-game world of GIMM4, you’re greeted by its denizens, journeymen like you who’ve travelled near and far to meet like-minded folk. Hosting the festivities is the overlord Sam, who controls the supply of food, games and beer. In Andrew Ryan-esque fashion, he even monitors the activities of all and sundry via digital camera. Due to a touch of tech-n00bness, however, most the data cache on his camera is erased, but its presence more than enough to keep the more friskier bunches in check.

Other titles in this genre have repetitive goals and objectives, making them quite boring to play (Assassin’s Creed, I’m looking at you). The objective of GIMM4 is simple - come, meet up and have a good time. A no-brainer really. With an excellent system of mini-games such as Wii Sports, Soul Calibur 4, FIFA 09, Pure, Guitar Hero 2 and Halo 3, getting by is an absolute blast.

However, the greatest strength of this title is the widened and enhanced roster of characters. Unlike previous instalments in the franchise that had smaller numbers, GIMM4 is probably the biggest in this aspect. And perhaps, the most fun too. From the drunken ramblings of gonekrazy to the team killing antics of THEDIRECTOR, each and every character was awesome to interact with.

Each character has its own unique back-story that further deepens the experience. For instance, Donz being PS3-phobic would not even touch the PS3, while Sam wouldn’t touch the Xbox 360 for being afraid of the same. At the same time you have those with more liberal allegiances such as Markettantrik, who gladly accepted this reviewer’s challenges in Soul Calibur 4 on the PS3 and FNR3 on the 360 and whooped him soundly at both.

If you’re adventurous, you’d try your hand at eight-player free for all Halo 3 with rockets being your only weapon. The sound effects in this mini-game were brilliant, be it the dins of “stop flashing” (which apparently was meant without any innuendos attached) or several succinctly punctuated four and five letter words that would be too brazen to publish, combined with generous dollops of “dude”, “fail”, “nice” and “win”. And if you’ve stocked up on enough power ups (read: booze) you’d be soaring through death matches on Guardian in no time. Due to the nature of the Booze and Pizza engine, this game has been deemed 18+ only.

Much has been talked about the controversial installation limit of GIMM4. Due to the DRM employed by the developers themselves, you could only fire up the game once. And that time was on the 27th of September, 2008, 7 PM onwards. All further attempts yielded this reviewer with self-inflicted rickrolls and exploding hangovers. Such is the nature of the DRM in this title, more severe than others, which at least allow you to install the game three times.

All in all, it’s a brilliant attempt by the guys at GI. Be it expanding vocabulary (kudos THEDIRECTOR) or having a rational discussion about fanboy wars with CarbonCore (no seriously, it was completely rational) to reminiscing the good old days of Nintendo with Systematic, I’m yet to come across something packed with so many killer moments in one single gameplay sitting. This is definitely game of the year bar none. Unless there’s a GIMM5, that is.

GamingIndians Verdict: DO WANT! You should’ve been there.

GIMM4 was available on the 27th of September, 7 PM onwards at the cost of free and was bundled with epic win.

Singapore Swag: Part II

2008-09-26T19:43:00.002+05:30

Ever had one of those days where you're unarmed and surrounded by a seemingly endless hoarde of zombies?

Neither have i. Yet.

Though the second day of the GCA could be somewhat similar to that experience. Just replace zombies with booth babes. While Day One had its fair share, today was overkill times infinity. And then some. Don't believe me? Then believe the almighty, Tech2!

That aside, i finally caught up with some funny, bright folks. Surprisingly, they're my cousins as well...

The rest of the trip was spent getting to know (read: bugging the living daylights) my cousins. Fun times. Especially when one of them actually called the cops on his Hindi teacher for giving him excess homework. Oh, and exploring town.

While the city is pretty sweet, what was quite irritating was the amount of PDA going on in plain sight. Groping, liplocking and several other activities that would put porn to shame really. There's no need to get a room it seems, when an escalator would suffice. An0 would dissapprove. Hitler too.

It's extremely satisfying to be able to go across the entire city in 45 minutes. Even more so when you're alone, free and unburdened by the usual baggage of parental paranoia and other such homemade treats. Definitely something i could get used to.

Speaking of treats, the food was great to say the least. Imagine plates piled high with 35326347 different kinds of tofu, 4376568657 different kinds of veg. cold cuts , rice, noodles and kiwi juice.

Yes, kiwi-fucking-juice.

This was a vegetarian's paradise. Good thing then, i checked in early,else i'd have been not allowed to board for being overweight (yes, i'm vegetarian and i crack poor jokes so sue me).

Finally, after the sensory overload of games, babes, shopping and fun i got homesick (in spite of thinking i could get used to being away), checked in early, grabbed a pint of Guiness, followed it up with a huge glass of cinammon cold coffee and a chocolate muffin and waited at the the departure lounge. And while weathering the storm of an intense sugar-rush, i decided to abuse the free internet terminals:

Tulsi: i miss the humourous witty comments of the day
me: that's what she said :p
Tulsi: now run along AND ONCE MORE YOU SAY THAT'WHAT SHE SAID
YOU WILL BEFALL THE WRATH OF THE TK x(I KID U NOT)

Yes, it's good to be back. Also, here's the Singapore Swag:

Oops, wrong picture... there we go:

Singapore Swag: Part I

2008-09-24T21:15:00.003+05:30

Singapore was awesome. No seriously. Awesome enough to make unicorns puking out rainbows look like a rotund, drugged out Britney Spears trying to perform at the MTV awards. Yes the trip was that good.

It started off (after the usual out of the airport and into the city ride) with a bunch of us cranky folk forced to freshen up at the locker room of the hotel's gym. Our generous benefactors, in all their glory, forgot to mention the need for an early check-in. And the funnily obvious thing is this, five of us managed to be ready faster than our solitary female co-worker.

After the mandatory big buffet breakfast (noodles, apricot jam, toast, salad and a bunch of other unmentionables) we made our way to the GCA which was 2 floors games, babes, more games, a lot more babes and well...you get the drift. Oh yeah and games.

The cool part was we got to meet several producers, global product managers and several other guys with fancy titles that slip my mind at this point in time. The highlight was trumping my immediate boss 4-1 in FIFA09. It's a different story that he missed three penalties but hey, i'll take what i can, what with being the FIFA whooping bitch at work.

Lunch was a semi-decent scene, could've been the feast of gods had it not been for a certain vegetarian extremist in our party who was hell bent on having a meal that was pure veg.

While this seems a relatively minor request, please keep in mind that the person in question is paranoid to the point where Stalin would seem like a hippie in comparison. So even anything that remotely smelled like non-veg (even if it was meant for carnivores) was met with utter disdain. End result: farewell any chance of sampling local cuisine, hello Pizza Hut for lunch and random Indian restaurant for dinner. The irony? i'm veg too.

This aside, my fellow game journo buddies took to the bars at the first chance which was a hoot. And i mean that in the most literal sense possible because they ended up at...

Yeah, lucky for me i didn't get as sloshed as they did. Walking five hammered media guys back to the hotel is no mean task. What with one nearly walking into a glass wall, a second nearly apprehended for shoplifiting (he forgot to pay for his stuff at 7Eleven) and a third who kept on asking us to get his "nuts from the minibar". On the bright side, the other two were just adamant to get us as far from the hotel as possible.

Note to self: next time, leave drunk folk at the bar rather than try to get them out. It's safer that way. For me.

Quote of the Day:

Guy 1: So how did you find Maggie Q ?

Guys 2(mistaking the hot babe for NSF: Prostreet): It's very nice. i play it every day.

Part II in my next post.

OH HAI!

2008-09-17T16:41:00.000+05:30

A cookie to anyone who guesses the title references.

So i'm off to Singapore for the Game Conference Asia tonight. Fun times ahead, i hope except that there's a ton of work to do. Even 3 hours before i'm supposed to be at the airport. Yes, it's that bad a crunch.

In other news, how can she slap?

Rain

2008-09-09T02:04:00.001+05:30

Rain. Rain sucks. Like a wannabe porn star at an audition for the first time.

Yes that will be all for now. i just wanted to say that before turning in tonight , drowning in nightmares of wading through the waist deep gutters on the way to work tomorrow.

Note to self: carry a snorkel to work. And flippers too. If i'm lucky, dolphins might show up to rescue me. Armed with lasers and flying F-16s.

Now Listening To: Staind - So Far Away

About Me

2008-09-09T00:55:00.000+05:30

Rishi is a 20something person living in the civilized bowels of hell also known as Bombay or Mumbai. Civilized because people wear fancy clothes and say please and thank you, hell because the very same people don’t close the door behind them whenever they go to the john.

When he’s not preoccupied making inane observations, you can find him huddled in front of a console (preferably something Sony or Nintendo) playing video games or in front of a PC shouting obscenities at his teammates and enemies in a multiplayer frag-fest of choice.

And in a rare moment he’d be sipping away some vile alcoholic concoction, listening to anything from 8-bit video game soundtracks to the latest tunes from StarSailor and talking to a few friends on gtalk or msn all while making an absolutely gargantuan, rambling sentence or three like this one.

His interests include rock-climbing, whitewater rafting, trekking, backpacking and cycling. Or so he’d like you to believe while he stuffs himself with more alcohol, even more pizza and a ton of virtual scrimmages as he plans to compete for the coveted title of fattest person to undergo gastric bypass, overtaking Kareena Kapoor.

By this stage, despite the copious amounts of alcohol consumed he realizes that this post sucks so bad that it can no way of redeem itself. So much so that there’s a greater chance of Amy Winehouse quitting drugs and writing gospel tracks than the quality of this blog dramatically increasing. And it is with this that he welcomes you back to his life of epic fail…err..blog.

Now Listening To: Hoobastank - Disappear

Return

2008-09-07T02:29:00.000+05:30

It's been an eventful number of months since my last post, break up, family trauma, work issues, you name it, it's been happening. And it got me thinking.

Thinking that, come hell, high water or raving lunatic rickshaw drivers you should not stop doing what you love. No matter how pretentious, emo, retarded, moronic or pathetic you look. It keeps you happy. At the end of the day, while social standing, being "kewl" and every other pretense apparently counts, being happy is all that matters.

So with this in mind, i'm back. i tried starting elsewhere, it just didn't feel the same. This is home ,my home.

Now Listening To: Celldweller - Sorry To Say (thanks DJ 3B)

The Last Post

2008-04-27T14:14:00.000+05:30

With a heavy heart and a messed up head, i have decided to close this blog. For real this time and for good.

It's not a scenario i've envisioned, or wanted to ever have to do. And that too for the second time. Circumstances however, dictate otherwise.

However it's been a great 3 years, 4 months and 3 days folks. But it ends here. It ends now. For those of you who were expecting something awesome to look at here you go:

/blog

Now Listening To: Star Sailor - Way To Fall

Goodbye dear friend. You will be missed.

Songs of Forever.

2008-04-23T14:16:00.000+05:30

Foo Fighters - But Honestly

Foo Fighters - Come Back

Also, Foo Fighters > Universe.

McOwned.

2008-04-19T05:34:00.000+05:30

Life's good. In fact it's great. You're on the top of the world and nothing can stop you. Invincible. Infallible and a bunch of other intelligent sounding adjectives i can't quite recall at this point of time. Everything seems right with the world.

And then you walk into a McDonald's see it's stupid "Official Restaurant for the Olympics" branding all over the place. The poster-child for obese people and leading reason for gastric bypass surgery promoting one of the most rigorous, physically exhausting events in the world.

The irony. It's rife. And it kills. Faster than a Big Mac, triple-sized oily,OPEC insecurity causing fries and a gallon of cankerous caffeine.

Two minutes later people hear ambulance sirens as the paramedics rush in to sweep the gibs, guts and other remnants of your exploded head off the floor and more importantly, off the fries.

No one likes bloody fries.

Now Listening To: Street Fighter II - Guile's Theme (OC Remix)

Feedback

2008-04-12T14:53:00.000+05:30

Via Gtalk. Feedback on the last post:

sam: so uh
are you ok?
:p
*hide

me: ARRRGGGHHH

sam: HAHAHAHA

me: MY WRISTS!!!
THEY BLEEEDDD!313!
wtf is that gay music in the background
HOLYSHIT!
MCR
KEEEEL MEEEEEEEEEEEE

sam: mcr?

me: My Chemical Romance

sam: hahahaha
you love it

me: TEH WORLD IS FULL OF PAIN!

_____________________________________________
In other news, pizza makes the world a better place. For real.

For Immediate Release: Official Correspondence

2008-04-11T14:08:00.000+05:30

Dear friends, gargoyles, orcs and witches,

The Emirate of h3lios would like to thank you for all your support and kind wishes towards his royal highness, h3lios the 1st in his time of need.

However his majesty beseeches that you desist from asking him questions like, "Are you alright?" or "How are you doing?", as it makes him feel, in his own words, "lame". Rather than bore you with my verbose, dry, formal slurs (as his godlikeness calls it) here is a statement from his majesty himself:

Sup people,

It would be uber-sweet if you'd, you know, stop asking me, stuff like me being okay and crap.

Sure i know you guys care and all that, but asking me those questions routinely makes me feel like some sort of emo-goth kid high on substances like My Chemical Romance, writing poems about death and the futility of life with my own blood that i slit from my wrists to know what pain feels like.

Since i've grossed you folks out sufficiently, i know you'd kindly do the needful.

Peace Out,
h3lios the 1st
Ruler of the Emirate of h3lios

Now that you've heard from his righteousness , i'd like to state that the normal programming on this blog is up and running. The apparently grotesque (though brilliantly functional) template you see right now is just a placeholder till his majesty decides on something more tasteful.

Thank you for your time and patience,

orpheus
Keeper of Sanity, Emirate of h3lios

Killing Justice Art Director X...Slowly.

2008-04-06T00:52:00.000+05:30

MatrixWarrior: Want a Mac Book?
Justice Art Director X: (eyes widen as if seeing porn for the first time): Yes!
MatrixWarrior: Fuck off.

____________________________________________________

MatrixWarrior: I'll get you a Mac Book
Justice Art Director X (jumps and twitches as if a hot girl's been flirting with him): Dude, sweet!
MatrixWarrior: So how many copies of the bible do you want?

____________________________________________________

FakeMajor: Wanna Mac Book?

Justic Art Director X (cries tears of joy): What? Yeah.
FakeMajor: Stick two people from Bandra together at the edges.

____________________________________________________

MatrixWarrior: Hahaha!

FakeMajor: Poor guy will make sure we go to hell I tell you.

MatrixWarrior: Dude... he'll meet us there.

____________________________________________________

Now Listening To: Scary Kids Scaring Kids - Faces

Jedis Walk Among Us?

2008-04-04T10:04:00.000+05:30

Overheard at a Barista...

"We met and I could feel this vibe. It was this connection! We have the same interests. It was amazing."

"Oh sure vibes, next thing you'd be talking about would be midichlorian counts."

"Huh, what's that."

"Nevermind, you won't get it." (In spite of being a Star Wars Fan.)

Also heard at the aforementioned Barista:

" I want to know your thoughts on the matter."

"I'll tell you my thoughts, you could've just stabbed me in the back, peed all over my dead body and proceeded to hump it."

Gotta love midday drama. Especially when you're sharing the same body as the person on the table uttering such quotable things whilst polishing off a chocolate tart and hot chocolate.

Also, breakups are bad. For real.

The Last Supper

2008-04-03T15:18:00.000+05:30

They meet in silence. Always have, but this time something is different. This would be his last time. He was going away for good. Something they refused to believe.

Tears flow from their eyes as they prepare the arrangements for what would be the final time they dine with their messiah. There were always 12 of them and him, without whom, nothing would be possible. Such was his power.

A lavish spread fills the long table. Delicacies from every continent are present in ample quantity. Food fit for gods. Every imaginable spirit accompanies this sumptuous meal. This is truly a sight for the eyes and the stomach.

After what seems like an eternity of preparations, they lie in wait. Each moment seeming longer than the next. A sense of impatience and angst sets in rather than one of guilt and remorse.

And like a bolt from the blue, a bright light fills the room. Their ashen, tired faces break into a wry smile. Finally, the long wait before their last celebration would begin. Such was his power.

Soon the sombre mood was transformed to one of camaraderie and celebration. Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives. Such was his power.

It seemed as if they had attained nirvana by the look on their faces. As if God himself had come down from his heavenly abode just to grace the occasion with his presence. Their joy knew no bounds. Such was his power.

Then again neither did the blood which spilled from their bullet-riddled bodies. Such was his power.

Now Listening To: Danzig - Mother

Conversation of the Day

2008-03-27T09:59:00.000+05:30

D-Man: Studies have shown that beautiful people are more kind than other people.

MatrixWarrior: Then why is Hollywood full of assholes?

FakeMajor: It's called plastic surgery.

Now Listening To: Monster Magnet - Look To Your Orb For Warning

It Begins.

2008-03-25T07:14:00.000+05:30

Now Listening To: Harry-Gregson Williams - MGS2 Main Theme

Grand Theft Bitchforce!

2008-03-24T12:08:00.000+05:30

So my aunt nearly ran over some random firang chick while parking her car. Or as close as she'll ever get to doing so.

It was quite hilarious. What with the pseudo-pain, shouting, concern and all the usual baggage that comes along with an idiotic, probably drugged up foreigner who wasn't looking when she's walking right into a car park zone. And got barely touched by a reversing car to warrant even a whimper.

Well, thanks to the allegedly intoxicated tourist, my aunt finally realized ( i hope) that she needs to get her rear view mirror replaced. Something that's been pending for close to a couple of weeks or so. Now if something could happen that would make her take notice of the fact that the automobile in question possesses windows that never fully close. For the last three months.

Ideas people?

Now Listening To: Enter Shikari - OK! Time For Plan B!

Also, for the anal retentive folks in the audience, the headline has mostly no correlation to the rest of this post. Mostly.

Conversation of the Day

2008-03-20T09:10:00.000+05:30

Rishi: That's a HOT photo of you for your editor's column.

An0 (blushes): Thank you Rishi.

Rishi: Yeah man, kudos to the airbrusher and photoshop.

Now Listening To: The Strokes - Modern Age

Dark Humour.

2008-03-19T15:14:00.000+05:30

When the world comes crashing down. i'll be there.
When people hate you for who you are. i'll be there.
When you realize your life has been an utter and abject waste. i'll be there.
When everything falls apart. i'll be there...

And all throughout, i'd smile, help you get up and say those words you really need to hear.

"i told you so."

Now Listening To: Apocalyptica (ft. Corey Taylor) - I'm Not Jesus

Star Wars and Rakhi Sawant. In the same post!

2008-03-18T13:48:00.000+05:30

The world's gone to hell.

i know because of the following words that barraged my poor, defenseless ears.

"I'm a big fan of Rakhi Sawant. She's got such character. Rakhi Sawant is super cool."

And if that wasn't enough, i was privy to something even more...sinister.

"Her face structure is like your mom's."

Someone kill me. Now. At least before i imagine an Empire Strikes Back scenario with Rakhi Sawant, light saber in one hand, shouting in that hoarse voice, "I am your mother!".

Yuck. i fear the filthy touch of insomnia violating my sleep tonight. People are weird. Or something.

Now Listening To: Blind Melon - Wishing Well

Two Worlds

2008-03-13T15:06:00.000+05:30

So it was a night out with some friends. And a decent one at that. There was music,coffee and cake. More than enough for all. Surprisingly though it was at a nearby coffee shop rather than at a bar.

There was a good conversation. The type where you can actually hear the person next to you rather than shout your lungs out over the cacophony that is the DJ playing some song that has weird lyrics such as, "This is what it feels to fuck on cocaine", in a place where poseurs, head bang to crap like Bon Jovi.

It's amazing how such surroundings can feel like bliss at first, maybe it has something to do with the copious amounts of alcohol consumed that warms people up to the prospect of the night of debauchery that ensues.

One could argue that it's the best way to make friends and keep them, by seeing them devolve (or in some cases, evolve) with the help of a beer or ten, but are they really being themselves or grossly exaggerated caricatures of what they actually are? Is this what you want to take home with you after a night of "socializing"? A hangover of castrating proportions and a cloud of "what the fuck happened?" looming over your head?

Well it's a case of two worlds. One where you can actually get to know a person, gauge how they are with all your faculties alive and present rather than being dulled. And another where all you might remember is the color of the vomit you excreted while doing a coyote ugly on the table. Both leading to equally memorable moments (depending on your level of sobriety).

The question is, what would you choose?

Now Listening To: Panic At The Disco - Nine In The Afternoon

Tagged: Random Facts

2008-03-12T07:40:00.000+05:30

Under the facade of tagging me, Tanmay wants to know my deepest, darkest secrets which for some odd reason, ties in with his plans for world domination.

Since i don't mind having crass, vulgar humor as the new ligua franca and Rs. 5 bills magically disappearing for being too green, i've decided to be a part of his million person cabal of infamy. Yes million, because the Tanmay are everywhere. Without further lameness or verbal diarrhea here we go:

i have a decent tolerance level towards whiners, idiots and jerks. Some of whom i actually befriend. And regret doing so.
While SMS-ing people i don't use the dictionary because i've felt it's a diabolical piece of crap that i could do without. Oh and i hate SMS short forms and lingo. Of all forms of it lk dis u c.
My favorite drink is a mocha cold coffee spiked with kahlua. i am a caffeine whore.
For some reason unbeknownst, i hold a predisposed bias against video games based on TV series which lead me to being sufficiently thrilled about Lost: Via Domo's critical failings.
When traveling by road i have a tendency to add up numbers from each number plate. Accountacy blood or neurosis, you decide.
The final oddity, i have songs burnt into my brain. At the moment it's Incubus's Follow (Movement of the 1st Odyssey) from the Halo 2 ."FAALOOOOWWW FALLLOOOWWW YEAAAH AAAAHH YEAAAHHH! OOOOOOH!" *enter epic guitar work*.

So there you have it 6 random factoids of yours truly. To spread the work of the Tanmay i tag Akshata, An0, Raddy, Rohan, Sam and Sharon. And with that i release you souls from this boring post.

Now Listening To: Read point number 6

Serious Question

2008-03-12T03:38:00.000+05:30

What's funnier?

Getting drunk on one can of Kingfisher Strong Beer or getting intoxicated enough on the aforementioned can of alcohol to make a mockery of yourself on the phone to the last person who cares?

i leave that for you to decide.

Now Listening To: AFI - Miss Murder

The Weekend in Pictures:16/2 and 17/2 Edition

2008-03-04T14:36:00.000+05:30

Never Forget.

2008-02-29T12:32:00.000+05:30

Expecting the unexpected and not having any expectations at all go hand in hand.

Now Listening To: Hot Chip - Hold On

"Like a syphilitic whore taking corners in a mud fight"

2008-02-16T11:25:00.000+05:30

While the virtual crack known as Team Fortress 2 updates itself, i'll take a moment's peace to keep you, dear readers, abreast of the latest happenings in the Parallel Universe.

First up, issue closing is fun, even more so when your head is nearly shot off by a paper ball. Add chair races, trashy 80's music and subbing articles that contain terms like "Easier than Paris Hilton and twice the fun.", "Like a syphilitic whore taking corners in a mud fight." and "...it drags on and shows its penis." and you have a very amusing night that gives you insight into the minds of a few hilariously funny folks. Team work is fun.

Speaking of team work, playing Team Fortress 2 till 2, 3 or sometimes even 6 in the morning is crazy. Even more so when you have a crack squad of caffeine fueled, like-minded people in your ranks. You'll never double jump or uber charge alone. At least in the TF2 community.

Though a damper on my current mood is Valentine's Day. No, don't get me wrong, i am anything but a moral cop, it's just that do we really need a reason to do or celebrate what should come naturally? i sense that on some privately owned island in the middle of the Carribean, a conglomerate of greeting card company CEOs are living it up. On money earned from desperate folks trying to say they care with someone else's words. Prostitution at its sophisticated, stealthy best.

And on that not so conformist V-day note i'll end this post with the super cool Kirby seen at a riot near you.

Now Listening To: The Killers - Uncle Johnny

Social Incest.

2008-02-10T18:17:00.000+05:30

Why do guys make gals their sisters?

This has got to be the most inane concept ever. Why would any self-respecting man want to rid himself of an probable future options? Not any sane XY chromosome holder at least.

Perhaps it's impotency? Or sexual tendencies towards the same sex?

It befuddles the mind on several levels. First up,there would have to be a certain amount of chemistry involved for a guy to even take a step in such a direction.

Usually this is translated by the male in question as "Oh i like her, but i can't be with her, therefore by officially declaring that she's my sister, i (have an excuse) to always be around her."

Proclaiming sistership, as i like to term it, leads to what is described on internet forums as "epic fail" for several reasons. One of which is you've ruined all chances to make anything happen between you and the girl in question.

Also, you've firmly imprinted it in her mind that she can call you any time she needs your assistance, moral with sleep destroying, insomnia causing telephone calls during "that time of the month" or just requiring a man Friday to help her carry her monthly supply of lingerie back from the mall.

Needless to say, you've become the guy she can "depend" on. For all reasons that she deems important. Be it hearing about her sack sessions or her waxing regime.

Voluntary slave-labor conscription aside, it's bad idea because it allows people opportunities to make a play for the attention of the woman in question, and all you can do is just watch the fun. Or something like it. This has become a very popular form of suicide;self-induced, impossible to react against jealousy.

So if you're a sane man of any decent standing, social or otherwise, don't make this tragic mistake. Reason being, your friends would wonder why the hell you're raving about your latest conversation about your "sister's" broken toe nail as if scientists have finally found a way to make Mars a habitable planet.

And they'll wonder even more when you talk to anyone who'd listen about her dull reactions to your "brotherly" concerns. Congratulations for finding the quickest way for the female species to take you for granted. As well as letting the rest of us find novel, more artistic ways to poke fun at you.

If you're the type of person laughing while reading this, assuming you've a solution to it all, you're in the wrong blog. The last i checked, incest is still a crime and not socially acceptable. Check in here in the year 3000 APA (After Parallel Universe) and something may have changed.

Till then, sod off because social incest is as bad as the real thing.

Now Listening To: Limp Bizkit - Bittersweet Symphony

Scribblings: Friday to Wednesday Edition

2008-02-07T05:30:00.000+05:30

Getting into a drunken argument with a Mac fanboy is hazardous to my health.

Furry Ambassadors reek of epic fail.

Assassin's Creed would have been a godlike game if it didn't have as many bugs as Angelina Jolie did in an episode of South Park.

Breakfast at Mocha is awesome. Even more so when you gorge down 2 paninis and a chocolate milkshake.

Extending generosity towards those around you always results in something twisted and sick.

Excess early morning nagging reduces my senses to shrapnel.

Now Listening To: Foo Fighters - Statues

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

2008-02-02T09:27:00.000+05:30

Seriously. i must have done something bad in my past life. Something really bad. No, not the usual hum-drum "bad" of genocide and looting of entire nations. Perhaps something more dastardly that it would make Hitler's magnum opus seem like a paper cut.

It had to be something totally messed up because the gods of cyberspace decide to render Gmail, Blogger and other Google related services inaccessible for my usage at home. For the last 10 months or so.

First i presumed that due to Google's popularity and ease of use, everyone and their grandmom's cat decided to log on and see the spectacle of internet magic that Messrs Brin and Page conjured at a garage in California.

Then i realized that my friends, even those with crummy dial-up connections could access the mystical triangle of Gmail, Blogger and dare i say, Orkut, without a hitch. This vexed me greatly as i have a more than capable internet connection (256kb/s bitches!).

Before you could say "SOMEBODY SET US UP THE BOMB!" i called my ISP. Needless to day, they're as stumped as me. Leaving me to believe that i did commit an act of extremely villainous proportions with the powers that be doling out a punishment that's the geek equivalent of Rambo massacring an entire Burmese Army platoon.

Till the time i get to the bottom of this, i'll be blogging from other places or just find it in myself to stomach the use of an anonymizer for Gmail, when i can view the filth of the web in all its glory without a smidgen of censorship.

Somehow i detect a very faint, subtle almost invisible stench of irony.

Now Listening To: Foo Fighters - Come Alive

Conversation of the Day

2008-01-23T12:00:00.000+05:30

Now Listening To: Foo Fighters - Come Alive

Rant

2008-01-23T08:27:00.000+05:30

It's amazing how people delude themselves into imagining that we live in a world where people coexist in harmony and are on perfectly peachy terms with one another. They probably believe that the clouds are made of candy floss and that Harry Potter is real.

There always is an undercurrent, there always is a hidden (at times not so hidden) agenda and there always is and will be filth and mud slinging. Get used to it. People don't get along. And perhaps never will.

After all, close to 2000 years of backstabbing and treachery is a tough record to beat. We never showed God himself any mercy there's no way we'd bother to showing it to anyone else. If it were legal to kill people you hated, we'd have died out as a race a long time ago. Or at least reduced to the age of Adam and Eve. Until the last two folks find reason to hate each other then we'd be reduced to an age of I Am Legend.

Right now it's just a society built around the cornerstones of hate and greed. Anything less is a gross understatement.

Now if you'll excuse me, i've got some prepubescent emo-male wizards to kill off.

Shortest Conversation Ever.

2008-01-22T08:02:00.000+05:30

Design Overlord: I wish I was born Japanese. These guys get off on active porn channels where there are fully dressed women who swivel around and get dizzy. I wish I was Japanese so I could experience what they find so awesome about it.

Fake Major: ... okay.

Now Listening To: Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out

Hiatus in Pictures.

2008-01-18T07:55:00.000+05:30

Pokemon 2/1/08

2008-01-09T11:27:00.000+05:30

True conversation snippet. Names changed to protect the identities and any nano-gram of shame they might have left.

Infy Code Whore: Dude, you gotta check out this song by Chamillionaire called Hip-Hop Police. It's pretty good for a hip-hop track.

Fake Major Media Graduate: Chamillionaire? Is that some kind of Pokemon? Do you go around shouting, "Chamillionaire I choose you!" to get the song playing? Sweet.

Now Listening To: Timbaland Vs. Nephew - The Way I Are

Yes, my music taste is degrading.

A few of my best friends.

2007-12-28T15:50:00.000+05:30

(From left to right: PSOne & PS2 games, PSP,PSOne, PS3, PS2, N64 & GameCube games, Wii, N64, GameCube)

Need a new non-Blogger host. Any ideas?

2007-12-28T07:52:00.000+05:30

...barring this half-wit's suggestions that are useful as asking a profusely bleeding person to walk through a town teeming with vampires in the fragile hope of medical assistance.

tushar.abhi: ha ha..u shld try sulekha.com
ha ha
or maybe blogbharti
or maybe rediff blogs
what about zapak blogs
or even indiatimes blogs

Blogger's refusal to sign me in is the virtual equivalent of being denied entry at a bar because i like to drink.

For those of you expecting a post of epic greatness paralleling the Lord of The Rings, i'm sorry. However i have these as a consolation for your time and energy.

Dragonforce's Through the Flames and the Fire

300 + Cats = Epic Win!

Now listening To: Papa Roach - Time Is Running Out

Origins

2007-12-24T03:36:00.000+05:30

It's pitch dark, his Rakhi Sawant alarm clock gyrates as it strikes 3 in the morning. The only light emanating comes from a computer monitor. The faint glow it emits reflects on his wheatish skin, his oily, acne ridden face and longish pseudo-blond hair.

He's had a rotten day. Trying to smoke a cigarette for the first time ended in an impromptu, unplanned but accurate mimicking of what an auto rickshaw engine sounds like on its deathbed*. Usually the one to make his peers laugh, he wasn't used to being laughed at.

If that wasn't enough, his confidant of the female species rejected his overtures. Something that was expected if he bothered to keep his ears open and realize that for once, she was confiding in him.

Also,it's awfully hard for someone to be open to the idea of a relationship just after she's said, "My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me over the internet.", listening to people, even those close to him, was never his strong point.

To make matters worse, he decided to drown his sorrows in alcohol at a local bar. This resulted in the floors, streets and every place he blessed with his presence, adorned with a glorious shower of puke,which kept him warm as he slept outside his home, waiting for his parents to show up as in his carelessness, he had forgotten the keys.

The puke, nicotine and alcohol have been rid from his system long ago. All that remains is the embarrassment and ridicule. It stung. And stung him bad. Everything was going to get better very soon. He had a plan and it was in motion.

His mind races furiously as he types a string of characters. With a look of madness that only a man possessed could bear, he proceeded to do what he does best. Scratch his nether regions and hum a tune that Himesh Reshamiya would be proud of.

For he knew this was the only way he could make up for the disaster he faced on this day which left him utterly and totally alone. He craved social interaction minus any ridicule. With the click of a mouse he set out to wow the online social network world with his superlative skills.

"Hie gurlz, want to make frandship??"
____________________________________________________

*in case you're wondering, it sounds like a cross of a sputtering hose and David Hasselhoff administering CPR , yes it's the dreaded "puh-puh-puh".

Now Listening To: Rage Against The Machine - Ashes In The Fall

Female Conversations

2007-12-21T12:15:00.000+05:30

Rather than spend my spare time plotting for world domination or making crank calls to the local pizzeria i decided to invest a few hours in catching up with a few friends from the college days.

The problem is, what with them being members of the opposite sex, they lack all sense to realize that there is one who isn't a part of their tribe around and who'd rather not be a part of their lovely conversation. However such common sense is unable to breakthrough the barriers of intense female cackling and their discussion went somewhere along the lines of this:

Fembot 1: Why is your bra showing?
Fembot 2: Because it's a nice bra.
Fembot 1: Aren't you concerned that you'd be stared at?
Fembot 2: No.
Fembot 1: Maybe h3lios was looking. Did you take a peek? Is it a nice bra?

At that point of time armed solely with a look of "WTF!?" i nearly choked on my pizza slice and uttered a solitary "Whaaa...?".

Ladies and gentlemen, correction, just gentlemen, this is why you should never take a course where the number of males makes the number of live dodos on earth seem rather large.

Now Listening To: Rage Against The Machine - War Within A Breath

New

2007-12-18T14:55:00.000+05:30

The well is dry. There is nothing to write about that hasn't been written before. This is it. This is the end. There will be nothing after this.

Sure, if this blog was run by someone of lesser stuff. Someone who believed that he was the sum of his memories. Someone who believed that the people around him should be made happy to the point where he radiates an impression of sycophancy. Someone who felt that it was necessary to be one with the herd. To stifle his own thoughts, to cow down to the diktat of the masses, to be a drone.

That person is dead, drowned in his own web of sugary saccharine sweetness. And he was cremated as you read this post.

This is a new dawn. A new beginning, a rebirth, an era of independence. This is now.

Now Listening To: Rage Against The Machine - Sleep Now In The Fire

Constipation

2007-11-28T17:28:00.000+05:30

Stalkers, fans and self-appointed detectives have all been wondering why pseudo-famed blogger, h3lios has stopped virtually excreting on the internet via his cyberspace rectum, also known as his blog. However, like in all good mystery flicks, it's the butler who did it (pun intended). In this case though, there are several of them...

1. He's been out of town on a trip of Manila and Hong Kong. Needless to say, it was like comparing a Spice Girls to Metallica. With the latter destination being the equivalent of James Hetfield & Co.

2. Edit meets which have left him too stunned to speak. Especially when the usual fare of obscenities is silenced by an aspiring Bollywood Bathroom Cleaner's murderous rendition of a few SRK tracks. Followed by a pathetic attempt at mimicking of the Don of Bollywood's trademark stuttering. Before i forget, the violator in question seemed to be spawned by the hellish union of Bobby Darling and a gay fashion designer during a night of excess drinking and snorting cocaine.

3. Team Fortress 2, Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, Persona 3, Rachet & Clank Future Tools of Destruction. Yes, i have a lot to play. And too little time to play it. All of the listed games are great enough for me to forget to post once in awhile. Or at least till my conscience decides to bitchslap me into the notion of updating. After it succeeds though, point number 5 kicks in.

4. Google's lack of access where 99.99% of all attempts to log on to Gmail or Blogger have resulted in what internet forum junkies like to term as "epic fail". If anyone from Google is reading this, please do something about this before i end up switching to another blogging and email service. Checking email and blogging shouldn't have to be a once in a lifetime affair that it seems to be at the moment with the constant "we cannot sign you in at this time" errors (caused by Google's lack of server firepower perhaps?).

Well, there you go folks, the 4 conspirators who have done their worst to keep h3lios constipated, without an outlet to flood the internet with crap. Like this post.

Now Listening To: Foo Fighters - But, Honestly

FFVII Speak | Real Life

2007-10-13T03:15:00.000+05:30

In my eyes, Aeris was not killed by Sephiroth. Aeris was Sephiroth.

Now Listening To: Staind - Mudshovel

What's going on in the Parallel Universe?

2007-10-02T14:15:00.000+05:30

Located between the ears of a nondescript geek by the name of Rishi, Parallel Universe is a breathtaking nano-polis known for its absence of consideration, lack of ethics and all round sarcasm.

The current trends in this bustling microcosm include:

1. The Foo Fighters - who, according to the Ministry of Super Sweet Music, have an awesome album in Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace. The Ministry would like to thank the enigmatic diplomat from Echelon V for bestowing (read: msn spamming) the suggestion of downloading it.

2. BioShock - which, according to the supreme gaming dictator, h3lios, is definitely shoe-in for at least one Game of the Year Award. After finishing it off on Sunday, he was left stunned. And still is.

Though the only minor gripe is that the gameplay was a little too linear.

3. The Bourne Ultimatum - which for now, displaces James Bond. That is all, for the Central Intelligence Agency of the Parallel Universe feels that any more opinions on this subject may earn the wrath of Daniel Craig fanboys.

4. Loving the job - to the point where cranial crust holding the Parallel Universe totters on the brink of destruction. Or so claims the Department of Sarcasm, who had control of this paragraph. At least for the first three words.

5. Random opinions - we won the Twenty20 match because of one hilariously executed shot. Grandparents need to grow up. Some people deserve better than what they get. Others need to be trampled over by a herd of desperate townie/burbie girl/it/ cross dressing male shoppers during a massive sale at their respective outlets. Janak Shah resembles Dave Grohl.

That is all for now. So until the next episode...

This"i-don't-know-why-i'm-not-asleep-yet-got-work-early" signing off.

Good night and good luck.

Now Listening To: Foo Fighters - But Honestly

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2007-09-28T14:48:00.000+05:30

It's been a shocker of a month. From covert ops to possible suicides, it's been one wild soap operatic time with enough material to keep an Ekta Kapoor soap opera running for two generations. And then some.

Sure it's but natural for people, being the insolent humans that they are, to face problems. However, it's when they make their apparently "rational" decisions, they fail to realize that there will be repercussions felt by all and sundry. Unless you're in a state of perpetual intoxication or possess super human indifference.

Unfortunately i have no access to instruments of permanent stupor and my conscience leaves me a wreck. Which leads me to believe that such shocking issues would never come up in the first place if people just followed this seemingly odd, but miraculous mantra, STFUAJPG.

What is this STFUAJPG you ask? Well it is a holy way of life, which gives people the power to make awesome decisions. It allows you to complete superhuman feats and at times, if practiced with enough sincerity, permits you to alter space and time or even, walk on water. If you don't believe us these testimonials are a result of the power our patented program:

"With the power of the STFUAJPG program, i sorted out my problems of inadequacy without a problem. It showed me that i needed to lower my standards and expectations from myself." - Mr. E. Penniss

"Thanks to the STFUAJPG regime, my addiction to kiddie porn is cured. And i've stopped molesting my dog too. Thanks STFUAJPG!" - Dr. Michael Jackson

"I was going through a rough patch in life and lost all my friends to the disease of intelligence. But with STFUAJPG's amazing 12 step program, my awareness and perception has increased ten-fold! It's like I have ESPN or something!" - Ms. Won Nyte Een Paris

So go ahead, make a difference to your life and those of your friends. Get STFUAJPG today! Call 1800-STFUAJPG or visit www.chronostop.blogspot.com and ask for your own self-help kit free of cost!

This rant/ ad is brought to you by Lack of Time Industries.
No real people were harmed in the making of this post. Yet.

Gmail Talk conversation of the day.

2007-09-26T04:55:00.000+05:30

Or why i don't think i'll be growing up anytime soon.

Jaison: No man, shaadi is too expensive

Rishi: Hmm so i've heard...does it come with extra controllers or free games? How are the graphics compared to the x360? Can we "finish the fight" on it?

Now Listening To: Sting - King Of Pain

Many Folks. Different Hopes.

2007-09-24T12:12:00.000+05:30

Tomorrow's Twenty20 match is going to be watched by the entire nation. While it might seem as if we're a huge cricket loving nation showing support to the team, the observer couldn't be so off the mark.

For tomorrow, the girl who's boyfriend is watching will join him, chewing his head off with stupid questions such as "Why is the ball round?" and "Isn't the umpire making it difficult for the batsman to see?" while drooling over some cricketer or another.

For tomorrow, the pretentious fuck will be watching it. Not because he cares, but because all his friends do. He'd probably sit in a corner, make his present felt by cheering the loudest at even the smallest sign of activity. Sure it could lead to embarrassment, but a small price to pay to avoid being a social outcast.

For tomorrow, the neighborhood dons will be watching. After all, with the amount of bets attracted by an India-Pakistan match, they'd have to gauge that man-power required to reclaim the funds from bettors who'd be defaulters or otherwise. Leading to perhaps, more bodies accompanying Lord Ganesha to the sea this Ganesh Chaturthi.

For tomorrow, the stereotypical page 3 celeb will be watching. For the first time. As he/she/it must be spotted at *insert name of a popular bar/restaurant* showing the match. If he/she/it is lucky, she won't be asked a question about cricket as the interviewer and camera man would be too busy staring at his/her/it's assets. However if approached with a question that even has the word "cricket" in it, he/she/it will use Plan B. Also known as wardrobe malfunction.

So there you have it folks, everyone who would be watching the match is accounted for all for different reasons rather than showing support or being connoisseurs of the game.

Except for the real fans that is.

Now Listening To: Taking Back Sunday - What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost

More or less sums up the week.

2007-09-22T16:50:00.000+05:30

Yeah, this lyric says it all...

I'll try my best to be someone, but I try my best to be some.
You take your time every chance you've got but this is, this is all you want, you try your best to sit and stare but no one dare, no one dare speak up.
So this could be the day that we could die, there is no more time!

Now Listening To: Driveby Argument - The Sega Method

The BackStreet Boys Meet Halo 3

2007-09-21T14:40:00.000+05:30

In yet another suave marketing move by the super cool guys from Microsoft, we have this uber cool video flooding the tubes as a part of their viral campaign. Anyone got the lyrics to this thing?

Now Listening To: Rage Against The Machine - Killing In Thy Name

In the real world...

2007-09-19T13:21:00.000+05:30

Pandora looked into the box. It had been a full 3 seconds since the last of the evils of the box left, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.All she could see were vast expanses of emptiness, and a used sanitary napkin.

She dove headfirst further into the box, to get a better view of this weird remnant.On it was the word "Hope" written in a bold aqua blue marker.

And without warning, the napkin rose as if it had a life of its own, bitch slapped Pandora twice.

Before she could recover from the seemingly bloody and gruesome blows, Hope (as we'd like to call it), ran out of the door screaming "Screw you guys I'm going home!" and leaped into the fires of hell that cracked out from the crust of the Earth as Pandora opened the box a minute back.

As she regained her composure she made her way to the door with her head held high and nothing but the usual pea between the ears as she wondered aloud...

" I wonder if that cool aqua blue marker is available at Big Bazaar?"

Now Listening To: Puddle of Mudd - Drift and Die

A new level of Pathetic

2007-09-14T15:50:00.000+05:30

So we have people lining up for Halo 3 two weeks in advance. Sure it might be a great game, though after playing the last two, i was left with no great feelings towards the series, but isn't this a little ridiculous?

All hail the MS hype machine. They've managed to make a success out of a semi-passable FPS. It won't have a story as intricate as Persona 3 or an atmosphere as vivid as BioShock but it will sell zillions.

Congratulations frat boy jocks, enjoy your pseudo-shooter while it lasts. The rest of us gamers will rejoice for this trilogy will be over. Hopefully.

Now Listening To: 1990s - You Made Me Like It

Entropy. Making you update last weekend.

2007-09-13T14:00:00.000+05:30

Oh yeah, and i laughed my gut off watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail. After i got chased for a block and a half by a Nigerian druggie.

Now Listening To: Daft Punk - Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger

Feedback

2007-09-12T11:25:00.000+05:30

Yesterday,while at work and on Gmail Talk, the man (that noun should suffice as a placeholder till its gender is actually discovered) known as Chris decided to give me some feedback on my post about the convocation...

12:23 PM

Chris: Your lil ditty

Btw

You and Raddy broke up?

me: you fucking skank...Raddy is a good friend

bastid

hoe

newb

READ READ READ

12:24 PM Dedicating songs to dear friends we knew*

* Raddy, if you're reading this, Champagne Supernova is amazing. Thanks.

idiot

Chris: Fucker

'we knew'

me: you DO love to get me in trouble don't you?

12:25 PM it rhymes with new now STFU:P

Chris: Naaaaaaaaah

me: that rhymes too!

Chris: Ermm

Stay with O&M

me: it rhymes withe "new" so just STFU you too:P!

Chris: Jackarse

Little did i know that he's as delusional as they get. It's possibly due to his habit to buy 100% original stuff all the time, be it games or music. Tsk, tsk, the world is full of sad folk.

Now Listening To: Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Sealings

bang

2007-09-08T08:46:00.000+05:30

There i was, minding my own business walking down the hallway, just as i entered cubicle ville i was deported by the wave of a hand of a bearded, crew cut guy in jeans and a t-shirt. Looked like a Creative Head dude of sorts who wore an expression befitting a prefect getting ready to lay the smack down on a student who forgot to polish his shoes or wear a tie.

Apparently i did neither, or so his face said.

However his words gave way to something totally different.

"Do you work here?"

"i'm a trainee."

"Are you free tomorrow?"

"i should be."

"Good. Give your number to these two ladies. We need you for a still photography shoot for Viktor's Sekret*."

"Cool."

And two days later i was on shoot. Which is apparently a wonderful term given to sitting on your posterior all day long, eating on some awesome lunch, getting a free hair cut and lacerating your face into a zillion small parts while trying to shave.

The photographer was godlike. Then again, anyone who wields dual Mac Book Pros while shooting is. Plus, he was quick too. i was done in 20 minutes flat. Half the time it took the other "models". Which leads me to believe that my face would probably serve as photoshop fodder or something foul...

Ouch, i think i'm developing "model wannabe-itis" or so that last sentence of mine leads me to believe.

Perhaps a few beers with Junk, Chets and Daywalker might help resume the normal functioning of this blogger. Time to haul my arse to Mondy's before my vocabulary reaches a size that would make Paris Hilton seem like Webster's Dictionary.

Now Listening To: Editors - An End Has A Start

* Brand name changed to protect its brand identity (pun intended).

Convo Night!

2007-09-03T00:53:00.000+05:30

When you start contemplating you don't stop. So much so that you wonder, double, triple and quadruple check everything you do. Even every small action, every detail comes under scrutiny as if there's a flaw in the woodwork, just waiting to be found. You know its reached pathetic proportions when you wonder if you should continue blogging or just leave it hanging at the penultimate juncture of your nondescript college life and as you....

*pulls the plug on the philosophical bull shit, enough rabble, drivel and nonsense, let this post finally BEGIN!*

Ahem, so where was i...

Ah, yes let's begin with a song shall we?

Sung to the tune of Kashmir by Led Zeplin (should be better than Diddy's bastardization of the song) or Dontcha by the Pussycat Dolls (if you have positively no idea of Led Zep or Kashmir, you fail at life, hence tune it to a shitty mainstream track.

The Convo Night by h3lios:

Saturday's convocation was an epic mess
Shivy taking potshots at magazines, he had slides!
We ended up sending each other many an sms
Most of which were about how it "rocked our undersides"

Chorus: Ooooh, this is the last day of it all
Sign up with the Alumni, 50% off if you want more
Stop thinking of the after party and who's doing who^^ in the stalls
Listen on how to mudsling media without blood and gore

Somehow it ended, and we escaped from a fate worse than 4 DM lecs in a row
Alive, just barely, a beer mug or ten for our troubles
To make everything better, because now it all blows
Like soldiers we strafed through the rabble

Onwards to the Paradise of Sports Bar!

Chorus x 2

We drank till our sides were sore
Laughed with, at and right through friends old and new
Discussing who's where and much more
Dedicating songs to dear friends we knew*

Chorus x 2

And before we knew it, it was all over, filled with misery
Just like that, no not the mag
College gone, another page in our Dear Diaries**
Now begins days that just drag***

Chorus x 2

But we were left with one amazing souvenir
Our "friends" forgot to pay their bills^
Jacked were we, right in the rear
A few phone calls later, a last drunken walk home and everything was still.
Like it was before.

Now Listening To: Enter Shikari - Jonny Sniper

* Raddy, if you're reading this, Champagne Supernova is amazing. Thanks.

** Or in this case, blogs.

*** Work for the lose.

^ Moral of the story: never be the last to leave. At least we managed to muster enough cash. It's easy when you have a spare kidney. Who needs 2 anyway?

^^ Pure speculation derived from imagination.

Think About It

2007-08-30T11:05:00.000+05:30

What causes people to be nostalgic?

Is it because the present is a giant clusterfuck or the past, due to human memory and bias, a rose tinted paradise or is it because we're dependent on "happy" memories to rise like a patronus to guide us through the murky future?

With all the faff of the above paragraph put aside, would i even think, let alone revel of the "good old days" if i had unlimited access to the Playboy Mansion, all the video games in the world and Bill Gates as my peon?

Rather, would you if you had all you ever needed and more?

Think about it.

Now Listening It: Napoleon IIIrd - The Conformist Takes All

That's BIG!

2007-08-28T14:44:00.000+05:30

BioShock is epic. i've never been so excited for a game since FFVIII. The demo is brilliant, the art work superb and gameplay superlative to say the least. Oh and the story seems quite godlike too.

Apart from rampant BioShock sessions, the usual moaning about work sessions, my life seems to have , ironically at this juncture, gained meaning.

All hail convocations.

It is time where you prance around ye olde college gates and put on a great pretense of hitting it big time with illusions of grandeur, pomp and show. Showing the world and more importantly your "friends" that you're the best there is, right up there sharing a table with the big dogs, when actually you're shitting bricks in the dog pound.

A mere shell of your former self, coming to terms with the realities of life. But, hey, life's about oneupmanship right?

After all nothing soothes an ego more than talking big, playing big and being big, even if its just for a few hours, the after effects are good enough to please the only thing that's big.

No get your head out of the gutter, it's the ego.

And it is with this event, an event which is probably worth shit on the great, grand cosmic scale of the universe, that my life has suddenly gained meaning and purpose beyond my greatest imagination and understanding.

Now if you excuse me, i've to practice the subtle arts of name dropping, adopting a snooty "i'm Paris Hilton, bitch" attitude and mugging up the dictionary in search of words that would make me sound super cool.

Yes, this is what all the cool kids do. Be one today. And get 25% off the next blog post. Special offer valid while stocks last!

Foo Fighters - Lonely As You

Me.

2007-08-26T14:04:00.000+05:30

A long time ago in a galaxy quite close by, lived a boy who chanced upon his dad's handheld Space Invaders and PacMan games. The sweet LED presentation coupled with his nubile 4 year old mind made it the ultimate way for his parents to keep this spoilt brat in his place.

Well until he saw his cousin sister play Mario on the NES. Which resulted in him making quite an embarrassment of his folks till her could get one.From crying and beating the floor at malls to screaming bloody murder he did it all to make sure he could play Mario, TwinBee, Spitfire and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in all their 8-bit glory. And when they succumbed, all was good.

Or at least it seemed to be, till he realized that he never knew how to plug the damn thing on, leaving him dependent on the parent folk yet again.

All seemed lost, and gaming sessions were infrequent, mainly due to his dad never being around to plug in his NES. However seeing the awesomeness that was the Sega Mega Drive with Sonic,Street Fighter and more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle goodness, he proceeded to be a model child and get his hands on a Mega Drive. And learn to plug it in himself. At the tender age of 8.

And everything was beautiful and perfect again. But twice as good, after all it was 16-bits and not 8 this time around. His life felt complete with whooping his sister and friends in epic matches of Street Fighter 2, getting his arse handed to him in the mesmirising gore that was Mortal Kombat, and some epic matches of Brian Lara Cricket '96 Part 2. Add in some insane Streets of Rage (I and II) sessions and a few rounds of Maui Mallard, Alladin and Cyborg Justice and he felt that Sega was the be and all of consoles. Or so he thought.

Then in 1999 along came the PSOne with its stellar collection of games. He was blown away and proceeded to convince the parents it was better than the Dreamcast (which they wanted him to pick up) mainly due to the presence of a certain cricket game.

The next four years were less of a multiplayer frag fest and more of a single player introspection. Basking in the radiance of epic stories such as Final Fantasy VII, VIII, IX, Chrono Trigger and Vagrant Story. He transformed from a "social" gamer to a full blown Square-Enix fanboy. After all, the multiplayer sessions of Crash Team Racing, Quake 2 (grenade launchers for the win!) and Tekken were few and far between.

Due to his discovery of the internet and PCs at the same time, this phase was short lived. On being gifted Deus Ex for his 16th birthday,he realised that the PC, apart from checking email could also play a few great games, turning him into a major tech head who upgrades his system every year or so. As well as start a few CS/UT'99 clans. Bringing back the good old days of multiplayer madness.

Falling to the hype machine that was the PS2, XBOX and GC, he proceeded to purchase all three. At the end of the generation, only two systems survived. The XBOX died after just 8 months. Leaving him quite confused and perplexed. This was his first tryst with death. The death of a loved one after giving him close to 40 hours of KOTOR, finishing Halo 1 , JSRF and running rampant on DOA and Halo multiplayer, left him (if you can excuse the pun)inconsolable. However the memorable experiences that were MGS2,3, Paper Mario ,Final Fantasy X,XII and Metroid were just enough to get him through.

As for now, he remains undecided on what to do this generation. Should he get a new PC err...Xbox "RRoD" 360? Succumb to the old school goodness that the Wii seems to be? Or should he wait out and hope MGS4 stay as an exclusive so he can get a PS3?

All this and much more, once better console games are out for this generation! Join us same time, same place for a different kind of melodrama. Of the geek soap opera variety.

Weird Week

2007-08-26T11:28:00.000+05:30

You know its been a weird week when:

1. You fall asleep during a shoot. When your boss is sitting just one seat away from you.

2. Everyday feels like Monday.

3. You hit your alarm snooze button. Telepathically.

4. You turn into the Hulk at the mention of the word "AV".

5. You wonder if you'd be able to feel the pain of jumping off the top floor of a building. Or would you die from the sheer intensity and speed of it not to feel a thing?

Its a good thing its over. Now time to recharge my batteries with some BioShock and Bacardi-Coke.

Now Listening To: Silversun Pickups - Future Foe Scenarios

Of BioShock and DRM

2007-08-24T15:15:00.000+05:30

Dear Ken Levine and the rest of the uber cool BioShock crew,

i am a long time PC gamer who has been waiting in anticipation for BioShock ever since it was announced. Since i reside in Bombay, India, quality PC hardware is hard to come by and is wallet rapingly expensive. However i managed to scrimp and save a few months of salaries to get a semi-decent rig up and running for this game. After all, with all the glowing previews and reviews comparing it to my two favorite titles of all time, Deus Ex and System Shock 2 definitely made it a must play.

Now add to the fact that i usually have to wait a good month or two to get the game due to a craptacular release schedule, i decided to risk a preorder with one of the many ready and willing import stores around the city. So not only do i pay more for hardware, but end up paying two to three times more the usual price for the Collectors Edition which will NEVER release here. But hey, it's for the love of the game, right?

Also the Xbox 360 version is as useful as dialogues in a porn movie (due to crazy red lights of death issues) and it costs an arm, a leg , kidneys and a few assorted body parts, i decided (or rather common sense did) not to get an Xbox 360. Besides Microsoft's customer support is quite pathetic here.

As you can see acquiring the means to game in a country like India isn't as easy as it is in the US or UK. We pay 4 to 5 times more on hardware, put up with shitty release schedules and have to resort to grey market imports for CEs that cost more and roam freely in your markets. But we do it anyway because well, we love games.

Instead of pirating a game i rather give the developers their due, after all it's the least i can do for such an awesome work of art.

But when you stuff rootkits down our throats, after all it takes to get things in place to play this masterpiece, everything seems so futile and useless. It seems that you guys have taken the PC crowd for granted.

i agree that you need to protect your interests, but this is not the way to go about it. i'm in half a mind to cancel my preorder and take a walk down the street where i can get the game for 2$. i pay for our games, i deserve to install it without any PC crashing rootkits or limits on the number of PCs i can install it on.

Have you no confidence in your product that you'd have to resort to such idiotic measures? After close to a month of cock teasing in the form of glowing reviews and impressions, that last thing i want is my anti-virus getting menopausal on me. Your attitude reeks of insecurity. It's bad enough to get gimped widescreen support and release one working version of the game (for the xbox 360).

Contrary to popular belief, even though people in countries like mine love to pirate, there is a small, vocal , growing section of gamers who believe in giving the developers their due. Considering that we're at such a nascent stage and the fact that we'd know about such draconian piracy prevention techniques in an instant, leaves most of us, if not all, with more reason to pay $2 over $50.

So please fix this pathetic excuse for copy protection immediately, lest the neighborhood pirate makes a profit over the people who deserve to. You.

Just another gamer,

.h3lios

Now Listening To: Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane

Based on a true story.

2007-08-23T14:39:00.000+05:30

After being done with some light* work on a Saturday evening, i decided to check out an electronics store close to home. Little did i know that it would lead to a pretty serious shock (pun unintended).

1. The salesmen touch and grope the LCD screens, leaving scratches the size of the equator. Something that is highly annoying and highly stupid. Totally unexpected from an idiot who's supposed to be selling you the goods.

2. They claim that no progressive scan DVD players are available in spite of 4 being right in front of you. So much for our endeavors to make this nation 100% literate.

3. They tout plasma TV technology to the best thing since slice bread, Jesus Christ and Sachin Tendulkar. All rolled into one.

4. They claim that the xbox 360 is the most maintainance-free piece of hardware ever. Yes, apparently they've never heard of red rings of death.

5. They charge more for older TV sets than newer ones.

Well that's the last time i ever enter a NEXT showroom for anything even remotely related to electronics. Lamers.

Now listening to: The Scorpions- Rock You Like a Hurricane

*the term "light" implies its description for robots, jedi masters and super snipers able to sit in the same spot for weeks on end.

"Are you user name Ladiesman217!?"

2007-08-21T14:03:00.000+05:30

Tis been a craptacular week. Well, almost if it hadn't been for the Transformers Movie which was mind-blowing. That and Valkyrie Profile Lenneth for the PSP. Next week the BioShock demo and a ton of sweet PS2 games await me. Unless something else pops up (and knowing my luck, it usually does).

Sleep time for me, got the grind to live up to in the morning. Mondays are as awesome to look forward to as castration.

Massive update tomorrow, if all goes well. For now, i'll leave you with this...

Find out which Transformer you are at LiquidGeneration!

Now Listening To: Marie Stern - Every Single Line Means Something

The Truth Is In The Song.

2007-08-18T13:29:00.000+05:30

News of the millennium: people can't make up their minds. Ever.

Now listening to: The Beatles - We Can Work It Out.

When 2 become 1.

2007-08-17T11:25:00.000+05:30

Get your head out of the gutter. Wash it with some Dettol and realize that the above statement can also happen when you breakup. Contrary to popular belief, i didn't feel the need to commit suicide, go on a mass murdering spree or splurge my non-existent income on a variety of some legal and not so legal substances. Rather, it felt much like this clip:

Since i have proved that most of the time, life is as overrated as well...life, i must now grab it by the proverbial balls and make it my own (life not balls, pervs).

Now excuse me while i update my Facebook status and watch some Seinfeld.

Now Listening To: Robbie Williams - Rock DJ.

Graveyard Shift.

2007-08-12T15:27:00.000+05:30

There isn't much to update when things feel as if you're walking, no...stumbling through a muddy grave yard barefoot, dragging a rotting corpse for what seems to be an eternity. The mosquitoes feast on your flesh rather than that of the deceased and the beetles ride the nails of your toes while the maggots cling to your wrists.

As you trip on the myriad of tombstones scattered across this deathly, soulless landscape, the pain etches into your feet with the intensity of a horse brand. Each one a permanent mark of your follies. Thankfully, the stench and ghastly fog, inject a sense of lifelessness, numbing the pain.

And you trod on in this fashion, limping your way towards an unknown destination, by divine providence or satanic humor, you finally find the spot to bury that corpse just before daybreak. And the vultures.

As you do the needful of tossing the body, which was and is a feast for all sorts of vermin that you'd expect in a derelict, decomposing graveyard, you take a quick glance at it's face. When you thought your pathetic state of affairs could not get any worse, life (or death in this case) never ceases to amaze you.

The owner of that face is indeed, you.

So, like i said, there isn't much to update for. Now at least.

Now Listening To: Stereophonics - Bank Holiday Monday

Life as a copywriter...

2007-08-03T15:12:00.000+05:30

You know life's a prank when it takes you close to 100 lines, 3 days and a barrage of firings to get the (apparent) perfect headline for an ad with Lord Ganesh, the God of Creativity.

i must have been a heretic in my last life. For it seems that my God has forsaken me. Either that or decided to show me some pity by finally getting it right. Then again 100 isn't a special number for nothing right?

Shall We Tell The President?

2007-07-27T14:17:00.000+05:30

If we're done with the nano-second by nano-second coverage over the fact that we do indeed have a woman president, can we now get down to discussing her views on the use of slang and the purported price drop in sanitary napkins?

Now Listening To : Linkin Park - Faint